Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Mount Olympus will Never Be The Same....

I hate and love what Michael Bay has done to the mainstream film market.

Who needs coherent plots, creativity, character development and subtlety when you can just blow stuff up every five minutes and have Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox run around saying ridiculous things like "MEGATRON WANTS WHAT'S IN MY MIND!!!"

Well, due to Michael Bay's movies bringing in roughly $834 billion (my guesstimation), it seems like the Hollywood suits green light just about anything, especially when it has ANYTHING to do with the fantasy/adventure/special effects/BOOM CRASH BANG POW LOUD NOISES genre. Hell, those Harry Potter movies do well, so why not?

Thus, the studios created this ginormous bomb a few years back:

I read the book series of The Golden Compass, which were actually good. This movie, though, dumbed down the anti-religious themes of the books and tried to make a safe, family-oriented Holiday family adventure epic, and the result was a big mess. They thought it'd be the next Narnia series, but it probably won't even have a sequel due to making no money in the box office.

Well, I just saw a trailer to what has to be one of the silliest and most ridiculous movie premises I've ever seen. Check it:

This movie is apparently called Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, which is quite a muddled title. Simplicity be damned. It's directed by Chris Columbus, who actually penned the first two Harry Potter movies, so he knows how to make 2.5 hour fantasy adventure epics. Yay.

So....this kid, Percy, is the son of Zeus, in modern times, and has to go save the world by visiting Mount Olympus via the elevator in the Empire State Building? Do I have this right??

And a glance at the film's IMDB page lists Sean Bean and Pierce Brosnan in the cast....which means....

this is basically a Goldeneye 007 sequel, but involving Greek gods and the Empire State Building.

Sean Bean is Zeus??

Pierce as Chiron, a freakin' CENTAUR??

Glancing at the rest of the cast....
Uma Thurman as Medusa?
Steve Coogan as Hades?

Rosario Dawson as Persephone??

The guy from Tropic Thunder as someone named "Grover Underwood"???

This is looking like it might be the most INCREDIBLE movie about modern-day kids battling Greek gods with former James Bond actors and British comedians ever made.

This is, of course, based on a children's adventure book series, another example of Hollywood capitalizing (or trying to) on the ridiculous popularity of the Harry Potter movies.

This one just looks so completely insane that I really hope it's a good movie. It's so random that it might work...but it also might not.

There doesn't seem to be a poster out yet for this amazing film, but I bet it's just as silly as everything else about the movie.

After it's all said and done...i can't wait for this bloated epic masterpiece of ridiculousness.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you suck