I'm not that old. I'm only 24, but I fear I'm already out of tune with the changing trends in what passes as "popular music" today. I steadfastly refuse to believe that this is just a case of "those damn kids and their music", and that I'm just out of sync with the changing trends and climate of what people enjoy listening to. I'm not some cranky old coot on my porch stuck in my ways. I'm not this guy:
What I'm referring to with this bloated diatribe is the craptacular new "genre" of music considered CRUNK CORE. I don't even know if this is the 'actual' name of the type of 'music' to which I am referring, but it's the name I commonly see on the Interwebz.
This type of music has garnered a troubling amount of attention in the past few months, both positive and negative. The main examples of "bands" that "play" this "music" (see my overuse of quotations to mock the genre even further) include such visionaries as:
brokeNCYDE. Half the name is upper case, the other half lower case because they're so tortured or cool or creative or something. I blogged about brokeNCYDE back when I first heard about them a few months ago, but now that I realize they're not the only group who plays this kind of garbage I felt inclined to mention them again.
Well, brokeNCYDE took it upon themselves, as upper-class white guys from New Mexico, to match up club-style rap songs with deplorable lyrics such as
"ONE! TWO! We’re coming for you. THREE! FOUR! Lock your door. FIVE! SIX! Suck on my d***. BROKENCYDE WILL NEVER DIE! "
So yeah, you get the picture. The worst thing about this group is that it's apparently not a joke. I saw them at Warped last week and they kept yelling at the 'haters' and acted all tough-guy in their skinny jeans and bandannas. It was pretty painful to witness on many levels, mostly about the kids who actually ate it all up and were enjoying themselves. I watched a 16 year old girl sing along with those above lyrics and I physically felt like I was beginning to die. But I digress.
Another proponent of this CrunkCore disease is
Millionaires. Three trashy teenage girls who dance choreographed routines to a DJ spinning repetitive and stupid beats of the lowest common denominator. They "sing" about the same stuff as brokeNCYDE, with songs such as the poignantly titled "Just got Paid, Let's Get Laid".
Why anyone gives these tramps the time of day (let alone a MAJOR LABEL RECORD CONTRACT) is beyond me. But wait - it gets worse!
Breathe Carolina. I don't know as much about them as the others, but they are the same type of crap. Stupid annoying neon shirts and faux-Kanye shades, with trite dance beats and insulting lyrics delivered by two goons hawking cliche Emo haircuts.
I'll also mention 3Oh!3 in this, mostly because they play dance/rap/emo and they just had the NUMBER ONE SONG IN AMERICA last week, with their 'jam' "Don't Trust Me". Unlike their cohorts mentioned above, 3Oh!3's song is catchy but also throwaway and stupid, concerning never trusting a ho.
The only thing that seems to make 3Oh!3 different from the rest is that it seems like they might actually know it's all a joke. Their songs seem self-aware and admittedly silly, which at least helps me think that they realize it's all a big joke. I could be wrong, and giving them too much credit, but for now I'll assume that's the case. Unlike some of the other groups mentioned here.
I also just stumbled upon this, which just might be the funniest music video I've ever seen: