Friday, July 10, 2009

The Painful and Neon-Colored Death of Popular Music....

I'm not that old. I'm only 24, but I fear I'm already out of tune with the changing trends in what passes as "popular music" today. I steadfastly refuse to believe that this is just a case of "those damn kids and their music", and that I'm just out of sync with the changing trends and climate of what people enjoy listening to. I'm not some cranky old coot on my porch stuck in my ways. I'm not this guy:

What I'm referring to with this bloated diatribe is the craptacular new "genre" of music considered CRUNK CORE. I don't even know if this is the 'actual' name of the type of 'music' to which I am referring, but it's the name I commonly see on the Interwebz.

This type of music has garnered a troubling amount of attention in the past few months, both positive and negative. The main examples of "bands" that "play" this "music" (see my overuse of quotations to mock the genre even further) include such visionaries as:

brokeNCYDE. Half the name is upper case, the other half lower case because they're so tortured or cool or creative or something. I blogged about brokeNCYDE back when I first heard about them a few months ago, but now that I realize they're not the only group who plays this kind of garbage I felt inclined to mention them again.

Well, brokeNCYDE took it upon themselves, as upper-class white guys from New Mexico, to match up club-style rap songs with deplorable lyrics such as

"ONE! TWO! We’re coming for you. THREE! FOUR! Lock your door. FIVE! SIX! Suck on my d***. BROKENCYDE WILL NEVER DIE! "

So yeah, you get the picture. The worst thing about this group is that it's apparently not a joke. I saw them at Warped last week and they kept yelling at the 'haters' and acted all tough-guy in their skinny jeans and bandannas. It was pretty painful to witness on many levels, mostly about the kids who actually ate it all up and were enjoying themselves. I watched a 16 year old girl sing along with those above lyrics and I physically felt like I was beginning to die. But I digress.

Another proponent of this CrunkCore disease is

Millionaires. Three trashy teenage girls who dance choreographed routines to a DJ spinning repetitive and stupid beats of the lowest common denominator. They "sing" about the same stuff as brokeNCYDE, with songs such as the poignantly titled "Just got Paid, Let's Get Laid".

Why anyone gives these tramps the time of day (let alone a MAJOR LABEL RECORD CONTRACT) is beyond me. But wait - it gets worse!

Breathe Carolina. I don't know as much about them as the others, but they are the same type of crap. Stupid annoying neon shirts and faux-Kanye shades, with trite dance beats and insulting lyrics delivered by two goons hawking cliche Emo haircuts.

I'll also mention 3Oh!3 in this, mostly because they play dance/rap/emo and they just had the NUMBER ONE SONG IN AMERICA last week, with their 'jam' "Don't Trust Me". Unlike their cohorts mentioned above, 3Oh!3's song is catchy but also throwaway and stupid, concerning never trusting a ho.

The only thing that seems to make 3Oh!3 different from the rest is that it seems like they might actually know it's all a joke. Their songs seem self-aware and admittedly silly, which at least helps me think that they realize it's all a big joke. I could be wrong, and giving them too much credit, but for now I'll assume that's the case. Unlike some of the other groups mentioned here.

I also just stumbled upon this, which just might be the funniest music video I've ever seen:

This would be Attack Attack!

Let's see....death metal riffs that lack any sense of creativity or talent? check. Everyone wearing the same black shirt? check. Stupid haircuts? check. Mashing up 5 different types of songs into one "song" with no flow or structure? check. Playing in an abandoned shack in the desert because it makes you look cool? check.

I've now watched this video about 10 times, and I still don't understand the rave-y freakout techno jam session at the end.....but it's funny. Note the 2:53 mark, when the entire band is running in place in rhythm.

Again, this long blog is aimed at a growing trend I've been noticing that is pretty disgusting. I'm all for music evolving and blending genres, but not when the result is this ridiculous. Attack Attack, while humorous (probably unintentionally, as well) bring nothing new to the table, settling instead on cliches and making everyone involved look stupid.

BrokeNCYDE - I don't even have to say anything else. Millionaires- same thing.

What makes me really sad is that Kevin Lyman, the guy who created Warped Tour, thought it a good idea to book EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE GROUPS on this year's tour. A tour that used to be geared towards punk music with bands like NOFX, Bad Religion, Rancid, and the like, is now inundated with these groups that just take up space and rob deserving bands of the attention they might get at Warped. It's really deplorable, and I sincerely question Lyman's sense of 'punk rock attitude', although I fear it was tossed aside in the favor of profit margins long ago.

So yeah. This post is almost over, but I want to reiterate once again that this is not just me bitching and moaning about the kids and their garbage music. This is worse than that. This "CrunkCore" business is just a no-holds-barred assault on taste, sensibility, music, and everything else that has made people love music over the years. I remember all the hate Limp Bizkit and the nu-metal bands got back when I was in high school, and that was probably warranted. But at least they PLAYED INSTRUMENTS and (mostly) sang about things other than what brokeNCYDE and their brethren do.

While I don't see this type of music lasting much more than the next few months to a year, I can't wait for it to be over.

Now get off my lawn, you damn kids.

Oh here's a brokeNCYDE video to leave you with:


Here's a parody of the aforementioned Attack Attack! video, which is pretty....disturbing.

No comments: