Monday, June 22, 2009

Life Lessons

Since my mother likes to pass on little tidbits of information to me, I thought I would do the same for you. Just helpful little reminders to get you through the day.

1. Not everyone keeps a copy of Paris Hilton's Confessions of an Heiress next to their bed.
I know this is a shocker, but some people don't think Paris is one of the smartest people around and don't try to soak up her knowledge. Yes, I wish we could change this, but people seem to be very set in their ways. I've learned that it is not always best to admit your love of Paris Hilton.

2. If you clean and then cook, you have to clean again.
I discovered this yesterday after completely wiping down every surface in my apartment. I cleaned and cleaned, but then I got hungry and made a small mess. Then I had to clean again. It was kinda a bummer.

3. Heidi Montag is the modern version of Mother Teresa.
She says so, so it must be true. But again, be careful who you talk to about this, they might be blinded by Heidi's long blonde fake hair.

4. Always wear high heels when you're vaccuuming.
Not only is it how the lovely ladies in the 50s did it, but it makes you look classier. Plus then you don't get footprints in your already vaccuumed carpet, you get prints of high heels, 10 times cooler.

5. Never admit to being ticklish.
Clearly people immediately want to tickle you. Always lie.

6. Never admit to hating traffic.
If you don't admit it, then it's not true. Don't even let the thought cross your mind. When I'm on the road, stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, I love it. Just me, my tunes, and my thoughts. Always a stellar combination.

7. Always label your water bottles accordingly.
Come on, we all know a few of them are actually filled with vodka. Sometimes we forget to label and then hand the vodka one to a drunk friend who really wants water. When they insist what you gave them is not water, you laugh and make them keep drinking. Trust me, if someone says it's not water, chances are it's not water. Don't force vodka on your friends.

8. Check yo self before you wreck yo self.
Always always always make sure you looking and acting classy, you never know who's watching.

9. Chipotle and beer is not a good idear.
Well this really applies to any sort of alcohol, but believe me, you don't want to see that come back up. It's not cute.

10. Always put glow in the dark stars above your bed.
Not only is it a pleasant surprise every night when you turn off the lights, but it allows one to star gaze while falling asleep. This is especially wonderful if you live in a city where the stars aren't really visible.

1 comment:

Kyle said...

well... except that anyone who says they're not ticklish is lying, and it's not enough to just believe them, you have to make sure.