Friday, May 29, 2009

The Internet never ceases to amaze me....

Every fifteen minutes or so, I come across something on the Internet that blows my mind. Usually, such reality-shaking revelations have to do with some bizarre news story or really weird trend that is sweeping the E-Universe.

Well, the other day my friend was like "OMGZ they're making a four wolf moon shirt!!", which confused me. I had no idea what the phrase 'four wolf moon shirt' meant. When I asked him, he said "dude. you know like three wolf moon? Well they're MAKING A FOUR WOLF MOON SHIRT!!!" to which I was again confused.

He linked me to what followed amazed me. "Three Wolf Moon" apparently refers to this:

I have seen shirts like this around, but never figured it would have such a ridiculous obsessive following on the Interwebz. This trashy t-shirt has more than 850 CUSTOMER REVIEWS on Amazon, most of which are hilarious. An excerpt from a particularly entertaining review is as follows:

This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

As this review implies, almost all of the reviews for this shirt are joking in nature, poking fun at the type of people who customarily are the ones wearing this shirt in public. Reading these reviews are a great time-waster, and are pretty funny overall. The tongue-in-cheek tone of the reviews indicate that this silly t-shirt is something that people really enjoy fantasizing about and talking about on the Net, for whatever reason.

I was taken aback when I first came across this, because it's just so damn weird. I wonder what prompted this one t-shirt to become such a cult-ish novelty item, and what prompted so many random people to spend tens of minutes posting elaborate, ridiculous spoof customer reviews just for the hell of it. WHY??? The random nature of it all really confused and amazed me.

This type of bizarre cult item with tons of humorous reviews on Amazon is not limited to this Wolf shirt, though. Take, for example, the $70 dollar gallon of "Tuscan whole milk."

This.....has 1,069 CUSTOMER REVIEWS. What the hell is going on here? Why is a jug of milk even listed on Amazon? Why did ONE THOUSAND PEOPLE post reviews of it? What made this happen? Why are there three people selling 'new and used' jugs of this magical milk? So many questions......

Things such as this and the Three Wolf Moon shirt amuse me greatly, and also make me question how such ridiculousness originated. There are probably countless other silly items "for sale" on Amazon, with such astronomical numbers of customer all just makes me amazed at the awesome (and strange) power and allure of the Internet, allowing all this stuff to go on.

*scratches head*.....I do kinda want one of those Wolf shirts though.

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